I’m going to admit it up front, I am not in a good mood today. I tried to write you an up beat blog post, I really did but it just felt empty and meaningless so I am going to have a little rant.

I carry hula hoops around London, all the time and I get a lot of attention because of it. Children pull at their parents sleeves to point out the hoops, adults grin from ear to ear and some even giggle. People comment and ask questions and it is nice. I like it, I like the attention.

What I don’t like however is the men who manage to turn it into something dirty. Generally the only word that comes out of their mouth is ‘hula hoop’ and then they show me! They literally swing their hips at me and it's offensive, really offensive. It happens all the time, at least once a day. Part of me thinks 'You can’t blame them, I am the one walking around with 50 hula hoops.' But really?? Really?? How can you make it so dirty, it’s just horrible.

If the conversation continues, which it generally doesn’t because honestly if you can’t think of anything more intelligent to do than shaking your hips at a stranger then you're unlikely to put a whole sentence together (I did warn you I was in a bad mood). But if it does continue I always tell them I am on my way to an orphanage to cheer up some underprivileged children… I NEVER tell them I am on the way to a performance.

So I was thinking about it and if I had £1 for every person who did this to me I could retire / cure cancer / achieve world peace / _________ fill in the blank. Basically I really could do something great!

Don’t get me wrong some people say the word ‘hula hoop’ and shake their hips and they are doing it in the most innocent way and I appreciate that. I laugh at that. But I am seriously thinking about implementing an on the spot fine for ‘dirty fantasy hooping’, the fine would be donated to a given charity and I would need to get cards made. This is how the card would read…

YOU HAVE BEEN ISSUED WITH A £1 FINE FOR SHAKING YOUR HIPS AT A HOOPER
YOUR' FINE WILL BE DONATED TO ________ CHARITY!

If I had £1 for every time someone shook their hips at me on the street I could (insert amazing statement about world peace) and you are going to help me do this by giving me £1 right now.

Please don’t shake your hips at strangers in the future unless you actually have a hula hoop around you’re waist in which case go for it.

Rant over! I'm off to hoop myself happy again and I promise a proper cheerful blog post next week.